If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
