just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
