Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
