K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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