i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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