I think i peed on brittanys purse
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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