my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
