I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
