I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
