Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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