Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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