I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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