Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Every concussion has its silver lining
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
