the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
