I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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