okay pat passed out under dana's car
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
