Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
