I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
