her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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