If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is it because I queefed?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
