guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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