standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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