Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
