If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
