If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
