You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
