Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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