to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
