The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
