She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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