At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
