i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
