dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
