there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
