Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
