You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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