You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize