K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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