I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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