Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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