Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
