I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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