38 yer olds are good kisserssss
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
