Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
