so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
