dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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