There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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