We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
