the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
