Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
