: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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