when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
