is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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