R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
