she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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