dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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