No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
