best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
