my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
