Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
