I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
