please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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