Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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