why didn't you poke me back
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
