I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
