I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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