Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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