Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
