I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
