Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
