I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
