D3 body, D1 cock
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
