white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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