sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
never play flip cup with pint glasses
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
