Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
