did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
