Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
ok first of all what the fuck
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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