Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
