Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
