i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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