i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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