Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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