how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
