Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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