I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
