People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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