Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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