I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
