how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
