I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
