he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
