no, he came in my armpit
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
