His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
