My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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