He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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