At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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