Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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