Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
