i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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