she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Of course I have a pirate flag
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
