11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
