I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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