at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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