Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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