Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
