Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
